7 Simple DIY Home Design Ideas for Your Growing Family

I’m not an interior designer, a decorator, or an HGTV host but recently when guests visit my Brownstone Brooklyn apartment their jaws drop. The transition from unremarkable to inspired design happened organically, and involved my entire family. You see, I recently had a second child. My older daughter is nearly three. The NKOTB (New Kid on The Boob) is three months. I am currently a “stay at home mom” and I’m not using that phrase to publicize my employment status. I rarely leave the house.  But I’ve maintained an open door policy for visitors who stop by to see how fucked up I am after my latest c-section.  In the past when expecting guests I’ve placed fresh blooms on the table, fresh fruit on the counter, and fresh linens in the bathroom, but with a toddler and newborn running the home guests are lucky if I’ve placed a shirt over my nursing bra. In fact, my giant leaky nipples have been on display so frequently I feel like a Kardashian.

In the days after bringing home baby I worried about the state of my apartment. Like many of you, I would employ the “run and hide” tidy up method moments before the doorbell would ring. This involved ten minutes or less of frantically shoving mess, toys and clutter into the back bedroom and locking the door. It was when I finally said “fuck it” that the natural happenings of everyday life as a family with two under three transformed my home.  And judging by peoples’ stunned reaction as they enter the door, clearly we have managed to create a look that delivers. Unfortunately, there is no way any one can exactly replicate the look that we’ve perfected. Nevertheless, I am confident that by following the simple steps I’ve set forth below you too can WOW your family and friends!

1.      The Ikea Hack. I’m a huge fan of the Ikea hack. Traditionally this is where you take an Ikea product and customize it in order to hide the fact that you are in your thirties and still shop at Ikea. For this new take on the Ikea hack, take any piece of furniture in your home and have your toddler hack at hit until it is dented, and cracked.

2.      Remove all rugs. Take all of your area rugs – the ones you bought to add a pop of color to your room, or to perfectly frame out the living room from the dining area – and put them in storage. Now that you’ve got a potty training toddler they would only serve as a wee wee pad anyway.

3.      Floor flourish. Now that you’ve removed all rugs from your home the floor may look bare. To add some much needed flourish scatter your disposable nipple pads about. Be sure to leave some behind the cushions on the couch as an unexpected surprise for your guests to discover. 

4.      Add custom wall art. Step away from your toddler for just a few moments. This should be enough time for her to find a marker and cover your walls and possibly some upholstered furniture in a one of a kind design. And joy, it’s a sharpie, the permanent marker you’ve grown to hate and would swear had been removed from your home months ago when you last caught your toddler redecorating.

5.      The new scented candle. Newborns need their diapers changed on average 1200 times a day. I’m pretty sure I read that statistic somewhere. Either way, within a week postpartum you should be carrying diapers in a holster around your waist and be able to change a wet one singlehanded while posting a snapchat of this impressive new party trick. Instead of schlepping to the nursery to change and dispose of every diaper, change some on your bed and couch and simply toss the dirty diaper to a designated corner of the room to be taken out when convenient. The subtle scent of newborn pee and poo will fill the air with a bespoke aroma.

6.      Miscellany. For finishing touches to your home makeover build a block tower then whip the blocks across the room. Hide rogue cheerios, grapes and yogurt raisins under tables and chairs. Throw an entire roll of toilet paper and a half drunken juice box into the toilet. Take all the clothes that were hung on the drying rack and pull them onto the floor. Have your toddler poo next to the potty rather than in it.

7.      Hang a family portrait. Hang a picture of your family in a beautiful frame in a prominent place in your home. That one picture where you are all looking at the camera and even smiling. One that as you scan your barely recognizable apartment catches your eye and for a moment makes you feel at peace with your new surroundings, and beyond lucky to have the greatest people to share them with.