My daughters third birthday is not for another three months but today I've decided that when the time for birthday planning arrives, in addition to selecting invitations, entertainment and decorations I will also be choosing her gifts. And I don't mean just the gifts from her father sister and me -that's a given. I will also choose the gifts I would like the guests to bring. In the past, and only when asked, I would make general suggestions which hint at my daughter's interests (books, dinosaurs, art). This time I'm planning to go full on wedding registry style with it.
Registries are widely accepted practice for bridal showers, weddings, and baby showers but it's rarely done for children's birthdays. Every person I've told about my plan is instinctively put off by it. Birthday party registries come across as presumptuous, imposing, and a bit tacky. I won't entirely disagree. But they also make life easier for the host and the guests and benefit everyone especially the birthday boy or girl.
Here's why:
1. Returns, re-gifting and repeat gifts are a massive inconvenience.
If you have a kid or kids I can assume your life is busy. If your kid is still in diapers you can have a full day without ever leaving the house. Returning unwanted and duplicate gifts becomes yet another chore on the endless list of crap that needs to get done. Schlepping to various shops across the city to return these rejected gifts is low on the priority list and over time lost receipts and expired "return by" dates make some gifts non-refundable. In my home these gifts are relegated to the re-gifting box. And because kids gifts tend to be gender and age specific I then have to wait for a 2 year old girls birthday party, and hope that she likes the gift more than we did. I've had gifts taking up space in my closet for years waiting for just such an occasion.
2. Your gifts are great, they just don't fit in my small apartment
I am typing these words on my compact computer from my humble sized Brooklyn apartment which I share with my husband and two kids. I would love for my newborn to have a swing, excersaucer, jumperoo and kick and play and for my older to have a tent, ballpit, art station and all the latest kid gear to keep her stimulated and happy. I also would like to see the floor. Floor beats toys. So I put a ton of research into learning the essentials and that is what we buy and all we have room for. So thank you Aunt Susie, my daughter loved the life sized doll house, we just like having a couch more.
3. These gifts are a big deal so let's get it right.
I see toys, games, clothes and accessories my daughters would love nearly everyday. For several reasons I (mostly) resist the urge to buy them. Money is one reason. Space is another. But the biggest reason I leave toy stores empty handed is that I do not want to raise spoiled children. When my daughters get a present it should be a special, memorable treat. If they get something whenever they go in a store they will begin to feel entitled to the same every time. And gifts will have to be bigger and more lavish just to impress them. No thank you. For that reason I try to give them gifts only for birthdays and other special occasions and I try unsuccessfully to have their grandma do the same. Which is why on the days when my daughters do get presents they should be things the girls have been wanting and waiting for.
4. Toy stores are often directing you to the wrong gift.
The toy store is laid out in a way to guide you in your gift selection. A pink section for girls, a blue section for boys and aisles divided by category and age range. Not only do I resent the way children's stores are divided by gender in a way that reinforces outdated gender roles but the layout often poorly influences people's purchasing choice. My daughter has only ever received gifts from the "girl" section of the store. And I'd wager some of your sons have only received gifts from the "blue" section of the store. This is a huge disservice to girls and boys alike. At two and a half my well-rounded girl loves architecture, geography, and marine biology. By creating a registry I can ensure that her gifts satisfy all of her interests and balance between being fun, educational and useful. And those gifts may or may not be marked as recommended for her "2+" age group. As parents we know better than toy manufacturers our children’s level of development and are better suited to select which gifts would challenge and amuse them.
5. We have better things to do with our time.
The summer of 2010 was the summer of weddings. Every weekend ended with me digging through my purse in search of the tiny packet of Tylenol meant to cure the inevitable hangover left from a night well spent. The summer of 2015 is fit to be the summer of babes (think diapers not g-strings). My calendar is full of births, birthdays, baptisms and the occasional bris. So today I found myself pacing the aisles of Toys "R" Us in search of multiple gifts. After twenty minutes in the arts and crafts aisle I paced the puzzle aisle, board game aisle, wandered through the action figures and board books and took a forty minute break to feed and change my two month old daughter. Despite the age suggestions on many products I was clueless as to what would be appropriate for the kids I was shopping for and I soon realized I had spent the better part of my afternoon trying to figure out the right gift for these kids. I left the store defeated empty-handed and fancying a cocktail. I will never get those wasted hours back but gift registries could help save countless more.
Registries are widely accepted practice for bridal showers, weddings, and baby showers but it's rarely done for children's birthdays. Every person I've told about my plan is instinctively put off by it. Birthday party registries come across as presumptuous, imposing, and a bit tacky. I won't entirely disagree. But they also make life easier for the host and the guests and benefit everyone especially the birthday boy or girl.
Here's why:
1. Returns, re-gifting and repeat gifts are a massive inconvenience.
If you have a kid or kids I can assume your life is busy. If your kid is still in diapers you can have a full day without ever leaving the house. Returning unwanted and duplicate gifts becomes yet another chore on the endless list of crap that needs to get done. Schlepping to various shops across the city to return these rejected gifts is low on the priority list and over time lost receipts and expired "return by" dates make some gifts non-refundable. In my home these gifts are relegated to the re-gifting box. And because kids gifts tend to be gender and age specific I then have to wait for a 2 year old girls birthday party, and hope that she likes the gift more than we did. I've had gifts taking up space in my closet for years waiting for just such an occasion.
2. Your gifts are great, they just don't fit in my small apartment
I am typing these words on my compact computer from my humble sized Brooklyn apartment which I share with my husband and two kids. I would love for my newborn to have a swing, excersaucer, jumperoo and kick and play and for my older to have a tent, ballpit, art station and all the latest kid gear to keep her stimulated and happy. I also would like to see the floor. Floor beats toys. So I put a ton of research into learning the essentials and that is what we buy and all we have room for. So thank you Aunt Susie, my daughter loved the life sized doll house, we just like having a couch more.
3. These gifts are a big deal so let's get it right.
I see toys, games, clothes and accessories my daughters would love nearly everyday. For several reasons I (mostly) resist the urge to buy them. Money is one reason. Space is another. But the biggest reason I leave toy stores empty handed is that I do not want to raise spoiled children. When my daughters get a present it should be a special, memorable treat. If they get something whenever they go in a store they will begin to feel entitled to the same every time. And gifts will have to be bigger and more lavish just to impress them. No thank you. For that reason I try to give them gifts only for birthdays and other special occasions and I try unsuccessfully to have their grandma do the same. Which is why on the days when my daughters do get presents they should be things the girls have been wanting and waiting for.
4. Toy stores are often directing you to the wrong gift.
The toy store is laid out in a way to guide you in your gift selection. A pink section for girls, a blue section for boys and aisles divided by category and age range. Not only do I resent the way children's stores are divided by gender in a way that reinforces outdated gender roles but the layout often poorly influences people's purchasing choice. My daughter has only ever received gifts from the "girl" section of the store. And I'd wager some of your sons have only received gifts from the "blue" section of the store. This is a huge disservice to girls and boys alike. At two and a half my well-rounded girl loves architecture, geography, and marine biology. By creating a registry I can ensure that her gifts satisfy all of her interests and balance between being fun, educational and useful. And those gifts may or may not be marked as recommended for her "2+" age group. As parents we know better than toy manufacturers our children’s level of development and are better suited to select which gifts would challenge and amuse them.
5. We have better things to do with our time.
The summer of 2010 was the summer of weddings. Every weekend ended with me digging through my purse in search of the tiny packet of Tylenol meant to cure the inevitable hangover left from a night well spent. The summer of 2015 is fit to be the summer of babes (think diapers not g-strings). My calendar is full of births, birthdays, baptisms and the occasional bris. So today I found myself pacing the aisles of Toys "R" Us in search of multiple gifts. After twenty minutes in the arts and crafts aisle I paced the puzzle aisle, board game aisle, wandered through the action figures and board books and took a forty minute break to feed and change my two month old daughter. Despite the age suggestions on many products I was clueless as to what would be appropriate for the kids I was shopping for and I soon realized I had spent the better part of my afternoon trying to figure out the right gift for these kids. I left the store defeated empty-handed and fancying a cocktail. I will never get those wasted hours back but gift registries could help save countless more.
6. Avoid the last minute "good enough" gift
I love the idea of giving the perfect gift. Something thoughtful, creative and personal and if I found that perfect gift I'm sure I would buy it whether the invitation mentioned a registry or not. But most of the time I lack the time energy and imagination to find the perfect gift and end up shelling out money for a gift I've deemed "good enough". I suppose "good enough" is good enough but giving a gift you know is wanted is far better.
I love the idea of giving the perfect gift. Something thoughtful, creative and personal and if I found that perfect gift I'm sure I would buy it whether the invitation mentioned a registry or not. But most of the time I lack the time energy and imagination to find the perfect gift and end up shelling out money for a gift I've deemed "good enough". I suppose "good enough" is good enough but giving a gift you know is wanted is far better.
7. It's a suggestion not a requirement
Registries are designed to ensure the guest of honor will receive gifts they want and to eliminate the guesswork for everyone else. They are not however a requirement for admission. If you don't like the lack of thought and element of surprise that comes with buying off a registry you could always get an unexpected side gift. If you found a gift you think the child would love there is nothing wrong with going off script. For everyone else the registry has got your back.
So to my family and friends here's your advance notice. When the invitation slips into your mailbox there will be an added line "registered at" for your consideration. To everyone else if you are in the process of planning a birthday party I hope I've persuaded at least some of you to register. Acceptance comes in numbers and although for all the reasons I've stated above I believe birthday registries are the best way to go I don't want to be the only asshole out there to do it!
Registries are designed to ensure the guest of honor will receive gifts they want and to eliminate the guesswork for everyone else. They are not however a requirement for admission. If you don't like the lack of thought and element of surprise that comes with buying off a registry you could always get an unexpected side gift. If you found a gift you think the child would love there is nothing wrong with going off script. For everyone else the registry has got your back.
So to my family and friends here's your advance notice. When the invitation slips into your mailbox there will be an added line "registered at" for your consideration. To everyone else if you are in the process of planning a birthday party I hope I've persuaded at least some of you to register. Acceptance comes in numbers and although for all the reasons I've stated above I believe birthday registries are the best way to go I don't want to be the only asshole out there to do it!
No comments:
Post a Comment