The Transition

Last week when I went to pick Siena up from nursery, her keyworker told me that Siena was ready to move to the 18 month to 2 year old group and they would begin the transition right away. I was not expecting that. Later, I brought Siena to the doctor for a bad cold and the doctor began to refer to her as baby but quickly corrected himself and said little girl. Defensively, I corrected his correction, "she's still a baby".

Back at home I told Rob that the nursery wanted to move Siena up but that I wasn't sure she was ready. "She's not even 17 months old and she's so happy where she is." Even as I said the words, I knew it wasn't true. It's me who isn't ready for "the transition". Siena's a walking, talking social butterfly and being around the older children will only support her development. I felt embarrassed that I thought for a moment to hold her back. But these mini-milestones are coming so quickly now. I remember when she was just a few months old and I'd have her sitting in her Bjorn chair with a toy across the front and I would show her every day "these are your hands, now reach reeach reeeeach for the toys". She would just stare blankly and I wondered when it would ever click.

Now she reaches at will for toys, snacks, the phone, the remote. Last week she successfully called emergency services and I had to convince the operator that the only emergency was to keep Siena away from the phone. Another day I was watching something on TV (let's say the news) and Siena came over, took the remote, pointed to the tv, said "Peppa Pig" and changed the channel to....Peppa Pig! Even she couldn't believe her luck!

There will always be part of me that wants to freeze time and keep my baby a baby. But for each sweet moment I will never experience with her again there are so many more magical moments I will. Siena may hardly rest like a mush in my arms like she did as an infant, but now she hugs with such purpose and intensity I'm compelled to lean in and whisper, "I love you too".

This transition and countless more to come - both mini and major - are inevitable. So I'll continue to remind myself that it is OK to use these moments as a time to reflect and reminisce while finding comfort in the knowledge it keeps getting better.