Reflection
Perhaps you've noticed the long time between blog posts. It's not for lack of thought in the blog, although at times it is. I have found it is hard to journal about anything other than something that would look like my monthly calendar. Simply bouncing from activity to activity: today, we were in Zurich and walked through the old city, strolled along the river and browsed shop windows before stopping for tea. I guess there's nothing wrong with writing this narrative but I had hoped to use this blog as more than a play by play of our daily itinerary. I had hoped to share more intimately the emotion behind the experiences. To document what it has been like for me to live in a new city as a new mom (mum). So why haven't I done that? Hmmm. I think it could be because I am still digesting my new life and my feelings about London and motherhood are in constant flux. So from the time I am thinking about what I would like to write to the time I sit down to write it my feelings have changed. That's not aided by the fact that as a new mom there isn't much time to just sit and reflect, let alone write more than a few coherent sentences. (Which is why I am writing this on the train while Siena is at home with grandma).
The end of a year and beginning of a new one is for many, myself included, naturally a time for reflection and resolution. And compared to years past, 2012 deserves at least greater reflection if not full blown psychoanalysis. The events which impacted me in 2012- pregnancy, labor, birth of a daughter, a new city, loss of a job, a superstorm, a reelection, a new instagram account- are major life changes and the catalyst for personal growth and broader awareness. Priorities change, understanding of the world shifts, understanding of self muddies, understanding and empathy towards others deepens. I could write a thesis on any of these changes (well I couldn't but someone could).
I will be honest and say, moving to London has not always felt like the right decision and motherhood is not all baby cuddles and coos. I feel like honesty and candor are almost taboo in the age of facebook, pinterest and instagram where people share a photoshopped version of their lives. Often, I'm guilty myself of glossing over the rough edges of life or only sharing the glittery moments. But there is more. When Siena was born I did not feel unconditional love, my heart did not grow 2 sizes that day. Because I was expecting to feel this profound love, when I didn't, I was disappointed, confused and overcome with guilt. It took time for me to like my child and then to love her and now my heart swells to think of her. I'm confident that this feeling is common and I wish more people expressed this reality.
I'm home in NY for the first time in 7 months. Back in my old neighborhood, I sit across from a friend over a stiff drink and all things fall into place like no time has past at all, down to the topic of conversation (boys). But although by all outward appearances (aside from my expanded waistline) nothing has changed, my head is filled with the new experiences of the past 7 months. When you live the same routine for many years, time becomes blurred, and memories of walks to the farmers market and train rides to work become fused, with few standout moments distinguishing one year from the next. Living abroad for me, is like living life with newly prescribed contact lenses. The world comes into sharp focus and a trip to the grocery store becomes a study in compartive culture.
Being home in NY makes me realize I'm not ready to move back here for good. Although certain aspects of life would be easier (family, friends, career), I'm not ready to conclude this great adventure/experiment. It has been a time of accelerated bonding for my family of 3. There is so much more of London to discover. In 2013 we have planned trips to Brussels, Provence, Scotland, Maine, Turkey, the English countryside, and Paris. And that's just what we have planned so far!
Resolution
In her first 9 weeks of life Siena had traveled by car, cab, bus, train, tram, pram, plane and boat. By 11 weeks she had visited much of London, the ancient Roman Baths of Bath, Windsor Castle, and had her passport stamped in Switzerland, Italy and Great Britain. At 3 months old, she visited 2 continents when she rang in her first New Year in NYC. My hope for 2013 and for Siena's life as a whole is that this exciting beginning continues and sparks in her an adventurous spirit, a curousity about the world, an appreciation of culture, a drive to see and do and taste and feel and to live life to the fullest.
My personal hope for this new year isto be neater, to start making the bed in the morning, to read more, to follow the news more closely, to exercise, to take a greater interest in our finances, to be better at keeping in touch, to disconnect from technology when Rob is home, that Rob and I appreciate our blessings, and don't sweat the small stuff. I also hope one day (sooner than later) to once again fit into a size 4 (I've decided to retire my size 2 ).
Happy New Year from Brooklyn!
Lia Capri
Perhaps you've noticed the long time between blog posts. It's not for lack of thought in the blog, although at times it is. I have found it is hard to journal about anything other than something that would look like my monthly calendar. Simply bouncing from activity to activity: today, we were in Zurich and walked through the old city, strolled along the river and browsed shop windows before stopping for tea. I guess there's nothing wrong with writing this narrative but I had hoped to use this blog as more than a play by play of our daily itinerary. I had hoped to share more intimately the emotion behind the experiences. To document what it has been like for me to live in a new city as a new mom (mum). So why haven't I done that? Hmmm. I think it could be because I am still digesting my new life and my feelings about London and motherhood are in constant flux. So from the time I am thinking about what I would like to write to the time I sit down to write it my feelings have changed. That's not aided by the fact that as a new mom there isn't much time to just sit and reflect, let alone write more than a few coherent sentences. (Which is why I am writing this on the train while Siena is at home with grandma).
The end of a year and beginning of a new one is for many, myself included, naturally a time for reflection and resolution. And compared to years past, 2012 deserves at least greater reflection if not full blown psychoanalysis. The events which impacted me in 2012- pregnancy, labor, birth of a daughter, a new city, loss of a job, a superstorm, a reelection, a new instagram account- are major life changes and the catalyst for personal growth and broader awareness. Priorities change, understanding of the world shifts, understanding of self muddies, understanding and empathy towards others deepens. I could write a thesis on any of these changes (well I couldn't but someone could).
I will be honest and say, moving to London has not always felt like the right decision and motherhood is not all baby cuddles and coos. I feel like honesty and candor are almost taboo in the age of facebook, pinterest and instagram where people share a photoshopped version of their lives. Often, I'm guilty myself of glossing over the rough edges of life or only sharing the glittery moments. But there is more. When Siena was born I did not feel unconditional love, my heart did not grow 2 sizes that day. Because I was expecting to feel this profound love, when I didn't, I was disappointed, confused and overcome with guilt. It took time for me to like my child and then to love her and now my heart swells to think of her. I'm confident that this feeling is common and I wish more people expressed this reality.
I'm home in NY for the first time in 7 months. Back in my old neighborhood, I sit across from a friend over a stiff drink and all things fall into place like no time has past at all, down to the topic of conversation (boys). But although by all outward appearances (aside from my expanded waistline) nothing has changed, my head is filled with the new experiences of the past 7 months. When you live the same routine for many years, time becomes blurred, and memories of walks to the farmers market and train rides to work become fused, with few standout moments distinguishing one year from the next. Living abroad for me, is like living life with newly prescribed contact lenses. The world comes into sharp focus and a trip to the grocery store becomes a study in compartive culture.
Being home in NY makes me realize I'm not ready to move back here for good. Although certain aspects of life would be easier (family, friends, career), I'm not ready to conclude this great adventure/experiment. It has been a time of accelerated bonding for my family of 3. There is so much more of London to discover. In 2013 we have planned trips to Brussels, Provence, Scotland, Maine, Turkey, the English countryside, and Paris. And that's just what we have planned so far!
Resolution
In her first 9 weeks of life Siena had traveled by car, cab, bus, train, tram, pram, plane and boat. By 11 weeks she had visited much of London, the ancient Roman Baths of Bath, Windsor Castle, and had her passport stamped in Switzerland, Italy and Great Britain. At 3 months old, she visited 2 continents when she rang in her first New Year in NYC. My hope for 2013 and for Siena's life as a whole is that this exciting beginning continues and sparks in her an adventurous spirit, a curousity about the world, an appreciation of culture, a drive to see and do and taste and feel and to live life to the fullest.
My personal hope for this new year is
Happy New Year from Brooklyn!
Lia Capri
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