Hi friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends. I need your help. Recently my toddling daughter has been expressing her understanding of gender roles. I shop for her as often in the "boy" section of clothing stores and toy stores as the "girl" section, and I tell her on a daily basis that she is smart, clever, fun, funny, talented, kind, good, creative, brave, beautiful and loved. Nevertheless she has begun to classify what girls can be against what boys can. For example, she said just this past week, that boys can't be ballerinas and girls can't be pirates. She's only two but her understanding of her place in this world is already being formed. I realize I can tell her over and over again (and I do) that she can be whatever she wants to be, but what she sees, hears and experiences in the world day to day is far more powerful than my words. And when she said she can't be a pirate it particularly hurt my Momma heart. She loves pirates. We go on treasure hunts and talk pirate speak (Arrrr me matey and such), we read pirate books and when she was ready for pullups we bought the boy kind (the blue box is actually labeled "boy") with pirates on them. So when she told her dad she can't be a pirate because "I'm just a girl" my heart hit the floor. I quickly realized that the pirate on her pullups is a boy and the pirates in her books are boys too. My clever girl put two and two together and concluded that only boys can be pirates.
As a mother of girls I have been frustrated, disappointed and at times outraged by the difference in products marketed for young boys versus girls. I was depressed and pissed as hell shopping for newborn onesies after my first daughter was born. (I acknowledge the absurdity that onesie shopping should elicit outrage but hear me out.) My daughter was born in London and I would shop for her basic onesies at the largest department stores in the city. As with all children's clothing stores the designs were separated by gender. The onesies designed for girls were decorated with hearts, flowers, butterflies and princesses and of course all were pink because they are for girls, duh. The onesies for boys, on the other hand, had numbers, robots, planes, trains, cars, shapes and dinosaurs. Let's consider this for a moment. There is nothing educational or engaging about hearts and princesses. But numbers, shapes and dinosaurs! What message does that send? Should girls be passive and pleasant and boys active and curious? As I said, I was pissed and naively shocked by how such a large company could think it appropriate to segregate the styles in this manner. I knew my daughter would be too young to appreciate the patterns printed on her clothes. She would spit up and stain any design indiscriminantly. But the disparity in style didn't stop at size newborn and the subliminal and explicit messages don't stop there either. I left the store with robot and number onesies and a chip on my shoulder.
I want both my girls, as well as yours to take leadership roles, to demand respect, to say "No" without apologies, to believe NOT that they can do anything a man can do but that they can do anything at all. And I want them to believe it now.
The instagram account @girlslikepirates was created to raise awareness of seemingly benign gender inqualities which end up forming biases in impressionable young minds. Each post will discuss games, products, books, television, music and people who perpetuate outdated gender classifications and celebrate those which positively influence our children. My hope is to form a community which can influence families, schools, and companies to be cognizant of the way they present ideas, programs and products. And to encourage them to do so in a way which recognizes that boys and girls can share the same interests. This is not a page for girls or mothers of daughters. This page is for every person who would like to maximize the potential of the next generation. My motivation is selfish. The Momma bear in me wants her cubs to be fierce and fearless and to tell anyone who stands in their way where they can take their sexist, chauvinistic, ignorant beliefs. Fortunately most gender cues are made by well-intentioned individuals who would likely make different choices if made aware of the harmful impact of their words or actions. Hopefully through this page we can all become more conscientious while encouraging others to do the same. Please support this fed up Momma, her daughters and this worthy cause by following and sharing @girlslikepirates. Please tag @girlslikepirates in your own images which highlight gender inequalities. I will share your images on @girlslikepirates as well.
Today this account has been created and it may never reach 1 million followers or even 100. It may not go viral, or effect change in the companies and communities I dream it will. If it doesn't that's ok, but just what if it does? The best way to teach my daughters to be fearless and fight for what they believe is to lead by example.
Please follow my lead. .
